Good Enough Principle

The biggest dis-empowering belief that we create as children is this,

I am not good enough!

or words to that effect. Something happens, we feel bad and in that moment we decide that we are not good enough.

It can be a big traumatic event that we had no control over or something small that we innocently did which had an effect we weren't expecting:

I destroyed my friend's drawing = she was upset, I felt bad = I'm not good enough.

Someone did something to me = I was hurt and scared, I felt bad = I'm not good enough.

My parents took my brother out while I was at school = I was upset, they didn't want me = I'm not good enough.

My parents split up = My family has gone, they don't have time for me = I'm not good enough.

I want to be part of that group of kids = they make fun of me = I'm not good enough.

As events keep happening, we keep reinforcing our beliefs and we keep seeing more of the same not knowing how to get out of the loop or even being aware of it.

We probably didn't have an opportunity to speak our truth about how we were feeling and it probably went unnoticed so our auto condemnation stuck.

Some people will take on the idea that they need to please others to be validated in some way, only to become frustrated in later life for being used and not appreciated and becoming overwhelmed, also a cause of passive aggressive behaviour.

Some will need to show, themselves how good they are and be constantly over achieving and competitive or trying to be perfect and never satisfied with results, because they will never be good enough!

Many people put up barriers to protect themselves from being criticised and bite before they are bitten because they already know that they are not good enough!

Whatever our strategy is, it was a strategy to protect an innocent child yet we take it into adulthood and carry on reinforcing the original belief that we have definitely outgrown.

It's only by becoming aware and recognising our innocent belief, for what it is, that we can start a new strategy that better suits us as adults.

As adults we can decide if the original event warranted such condemnation of ourselves, recognise that it's not actually our circumstances but what we thought of ourselves that had the biggest impact on us.

lets contemplate ourselves!

• In which ways do you recognise operating out of this belief in yourself?

• How have you been affected by that?

• How can you reinterpret the events that led to the dis-empowering belief?

• If you decide you are good enough, not aiming for perfection, what will your future look like?

"You're allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You're allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough" DANIELL KOEPKE